Body count, to date...

No, it's not a count of hot men sightings in Orienta, fat chance, but an animal count of what dear, dear, always hungry Zazoo's body count.

Cardinal in the dead of Winter

I believe he had a baby bunny when we first spotted them outside the fence. Oy.

A black bird that also flew too low

A squirrel as of yesterday that either ran too slowly or flew too low. Squirrels DO fly. Remember Rocky & Bullwinkle?

When he's a good boy...

Two points if you can find his head.  Dom, my Father, calls him a bum.  Now, I can see why.  Couch Afghan?

Did I mention that I'm Martha Stewart's Illegitimate Daughter?

This arrangement was made with the carrot tops that I found that the former residents left in the garden. Oh, happy day.

The object of Zazoo's desire...

This bunny sat quietly while I took this shot.

A post from the road...

Not to be confused with the Post Rd. Well, I don't have to look too far for material for this blog. As I walked ZaZoo down the road, I've been observing the progress on a tear-down on a small corner parcel. A MWM (maganda with money) bought this never-refurbished 1950's split-level home and is tearing it down to build a two story faux colonial. Anthony, in his new top of the line Benz, has no clue, I realized when I talked to him. The property ponds after every rainfall and work has to be stopped coz they can't drive trucks and bulldozers in deep mud. Nor can they survey what they've done. Hence, the photo.

I wish I could have snapped it with Anthony and the project manager seated, but this is funny enough. Oh, and by the way, he paid 850k for this 50x100 lot with no view and self-regulating rain ponds.

A posting to the Afghan Hound family of Zazoo re: fences

Hi Shirley,

I have one of those "fancy hounds" now and had two others years ago.  They are obsessed with chasing prey as you know. The other two would storm the front doors when my Mom entered and she would yell, "the hounds have escaped, man the cars," and we would embarrassingly drive thru the hood yelling their names. I still cringe thinking about it.  They would either be at a neighbors visiting her Afghans or back at home panting after a good run like nothing happened. God loves these magnificent beasts. 

Now,  this new one, Zazoo Two, couldn't be trusted, so I have installed a double gate, like the types found in doggie parks.  Knock wood, it works, so far.  But....

... this little stinker slid under the fence netting coz he scented a bunny. And this was with me standing right next to him.  I grabbed him by the neck fur and dragged him back successfully, but he snuck under a few times until I bought wire border for flower beds to prevent this.  The nerve. 

The first time he snuck under, he ran thru the estate next door which is totally bulkheaded onto Long Island Sound.  As I ran parallel to him, I prayed that he wouldn't dive for a goose and land in the sea with the undertow.  Thank God he chased them off the grass and into the water and. He looked incredible as he trotted with his head held high. Then he scented a bunny which led him back across their lawns to my home where he cornered himself and I leashed him while praising him for standing still; not trying to run between my legs,.  He is too clever sometimes.

The damn bunnies slide under the fence so he learned this action from them.  

I don't think he knows he can jump the fence coz no one showed him. Let's pray he stays ignorant of this action.  My life will be better. 


Zazoos Mama

Sent from my iPad

How to get a container of personal belongings from NY to Ist or...

..how to get an ikamet without even trying.

So, I finally decided to move to Turkey after visiting a few times, then spending a summer, 90 days, which is the maximum on a tourist visa. I had a whole house put into a container & sent.  Sounds simple, right?  Well, it was painless until I got a call to come down to the port one summer day.

My friend Kaz who lived up my street, and, btw, lived up the street from my Mother in Rye when he was married to an Irish girl, now in the process of divorce, said he would gladly accompany as translator.

We went from one office to another, getting stamped, boom, boom, boom, paying money, more stamping, boom, boom, boom!  Then we walked to another building, in the heat of an Istanbul summer afternoon, up a steep set of interior stairs to a tiny attic room with a be-speckled older gent peeking behind a desk so over-crowded & piled high with ledgers and paperwork.  Kas introduced us as I sat there politely, thinking about all my "stuff" that I had missed.  Especially the Onkyo stereo and  Klipsh speakers that were as tall as I was.

I was snapped out of my stupor when I heard Kaz say something emphatically, then with a question, then the little man repeated the word.  Kaz said thank you and I took his lead and got up to leave.  I asked where do were go now but he said nothing and shook his head.

He waited until we got out side and said, "You have to get married," with a dumb look of almost embarrassment on his sweet round face.

"What???"  "Yeah, and you have 28 days or the Turkish government will confiscate everything."

"What do you mean?"

Well, it turned out since I was the recipient, and not a Turk, I couldn't accept the shipment.  I could either send it all back on another ship to another port, change ships and return it to Ist in the name of a Turk or simply marry a Turk when then I would have residency status and can accept the container.  Welcome to Turkey.

I was dumb-founded.  The long ride back to Bebek was a blur.  The next thing I remember is sitting  under a tree at the Bebek Tea House overlooking the pleasant view of the Bosporus with ships that sped by, small fisherman's boats that looked like they would capsize and the constant noise of the BCH loudly hummed in my ears & head.  What was I going to do?  I couldn't spend another 10 grand usd moving this stuff around.  I couldn't say "f it". I had to marry someone--and quickly.  So...I called my trusty "assistant".  That's what he called himself.  "Fixer" is more like it or "Abi," but that's another story altogether.

He couldn't do it.  Fiancee of the day would have a fit.  No shit, but I tried.  We were/are very close.  Never hurts to ask.  meanwhile, he told me recently that he kicks himslef in the butt everyday because he didn't take the offer and the US passaport that would accompany the deed.

That night I was at my friends club.  He asked me what was up.  I told him.  "Do you know a nice Turkish boy that would marry me to get my stuff through?"  He didn't skip a beat..."Me."

Well, well, well.  The hottest guy in Istanbul, at the time & in my limited, new-found circle, would do it.  "Sure, I did it before with a French girl But we never got me the passaport."

So we did.  At the mayor's office in the middle of town, on a hot summer's day with this motley crue of rockers & older lovely Turkish gentlemen friends.  What a bunch.  Then the rocker bunch had high tea at Kempinski Ciragan, overlooked the Bosporus as the best hotel in town. So elegant, so pretty.  We shot vid & photos just in case we needed it.  The film, "Green Card" loomed in the back of my mind.  Then we had a "honeymoon" at the Queen Ada, lovely 5* boutique hotel in Bodrum.  We had a free stay because I gave them a nice write-up.

The cargo came late at night a few days later.   Horray! Then I went to Aksaray for an ikamet.  That, too, is another story as well.  So, my dear friends, this is the way of Turkey.  God Bless Turkey!

My next Husband...

...but he doesn't know it yet. I met this really sweet guy when I was living in Istanbul a few years ago. I was with my assistant, another hottie named Volkan, when we walked into My Moon Cafe off Istaklal Caddesi one night. Volkan talked to this tall, almost dark & extremely handsome guy over the blasting, rocking music. He introduced me, we exchanged pleasantries, but I couldn't hear anything. I think I was just struck. Fucking dumb-struck. Like a retard or a groupie who just saw Jesus. Damn, was he gorgeous, and with such a beautiful smile. OY!

Afterward, when Volkan and I walked down the narrow street, I asked, "Who was that guy you introduced me to?" He said he was one of the Three Musketeers. They had once worked together: Volkan, Mustafa and Emre, another hottie.

I must have had a big dumb smirk on my face when I asked, "Is he married or does he have a girlfriend?" coz silly Volkan giggled then hooted, "Woo Hoo," or some Turkish equivalent coz he started chanting, "Madame Nicole likes Mustafa!"

I swatted him & told him to pipe down but he pulled out his phone & was working it with a fury like he had the scoop of the century.

"Who the hell are you calling at this hour?"

"Why, of course, Mustafa," he said so matter of factly.

Allah, Allah! I slammed the phone out of his nimble little hands while I shushed him.

He carried on for the rest of the night.

Just like playful Turks, Mustafa was everywhere we went the following night. Smiling coyly at me everytime i stole a glance.  Adonis anyone???

We did finally talk. And talk. Mustafa had a sleep-over one night, so Volkan and I turned up with our jammies. Volkan eventually went to sleep but Mustafa and I stayed up and talked 'till way past sunrise.  This happened a few times; his home, my home.  One late night/early morning he turned up.  Just rang the bell.  When I looked out the window, there he was--with a "cat-that-ate-the-canary" grin that I had to say, "Hos geldin" and open my door.  He was being noisy and silly and happy.  I told him to "sus bey", and he stage whispered, "Why Madame Nicole?  No one is here?"

"Yes, my pet, someone IS here."  I led him to the bedroom door and silently opened it.  There, peeking out of the covers was a mop of silky black curls.  It was my little college friend, Efe.  He broke up with his girlfriend and his Mama was at the beach so he asked if he could stay over.  Turks don't like being alone, apparently.

Another stage whisper from the Gorgeous Mustafa, "OK." And he went back to being his lively, lovely self.

It never went past this, I wasn't ready for a Tom Cat, but we flirted like teenagers. We still flirt; a million miles away from each other. He still makes me smile & I still make him hot. Allah, Allah! He makes me hot. Who the hell am I kidding?

He has a heart of gold, is down to earth, is a natural boy, has a great love of God and family. OY, what more could a girl ask for? He's looking pretty good as the next candidate. Will keep you posted.

What a fucking day...Ne lanet bir gün ...

that I wouldn't wish on anyone.

It started off good, if I think good is losing 5 20 dollar bills, then finding them. I might think it was good when Zazoo & I returned from our morning walk to see gardeners cutting the lawn. I didn't hire them; the neighbor who lives in the 7.5 million dollar house with beach AND bulkhead sent them coz I bet he didn't like looking at the high grass as he passed.

Then I drove around with Lucy R. in the BLKHAWK, God love her, we did errands and had lunch.

Dinner for Zazoo then we marched again. As I exited the property, I saw some brownish spots on the lawn. I went to investigate which I thought were accumulated bits of mowed grass that had clumped up & dried. As we got very close, Zazoo lunged and I realized they were baby bunnies. Dear God. The fucking gardeners ran over a bunny home and some were sliced in half and others just lay in the grass. I think they must have died of shock.

Tiny, tiny babies that must have been 2 days old. Poor things didn't have a shot. As we walked away I saw another patch of brown. Now I was fuming. We went closer and the same thing: dead baby bunnies scattered in the mowed grass. Big deal I had a manicured lawn...but at this price?

Alright, so I pulled it together and marched. I couldn't fight back the tears & I thought how fucking smug of this pompous rich asshole next door to send his gardeners, the owner of the landscaping company whom I couldn't get on the phone this morning & who didn't return my call. Who does this guy think he is? The big deal on the block with his multiple motorcycles, none of which I would ride, hi-end posh luxury sedans, chauffeur, maids, goose chasers etc. Little does he know that I know he did time in a federal pen for embezzling. So he can act whatever way he wants in front of me coz I know the truth. (2 reliable sources)

We marched down Pirate Cove & I saw a lady as she got out of her massive SUV and was greeted by the maid who exited from the garage followed by a big dirty white, close-cropped poodle. This thing barked at us. We kept walking and this fucking dog came running at us & tried to take a bite out of Zazoo. I let go of the leash so he could have a fair fight. My poor child never had a fight so he didn't know what to do, he just ran away with this other fucker snapping at him and I didn't know if he got him or just fur.

I started to run behind them & the broad started to run behind me and said,"I'll get the car," and ran back. I kicked off my slippers and ran behind them & I lost sight of them. They were approaching the main busy road. I was in a panic. I called Lucile with speed dial as I'm running & yelling & crying & told her, "Get down here, Zazoo has been attacked!" Then I see this nasty, shitty poodle running toward me, but no Zazoo. I told him he was an asshole and to go back to his cunt mother who didn't even drive up the road to see what happened.

As I turned the bend I saw 3 or 4 cars stopped in the road. Not long enough for me to come to a conclusion then I saw Zazoo standing next to a Range Rover SUV and a woman and a little boy hanging out of the moon roof talking to him. Than GOD! I thanked her for stopping traffic, called his name & he came right to me. God bless this poor child. I went over him quickly to see if he was injured and didn't feel anything unusual. We both calmed down & resumed our walk toward home as I got Lucile back on the phone & told her he was with me & ok.

"Call the police," was her comment but I didn't want to get them involved. They'd have me write up a report, blah blah blah which I was in no mood to do. Lucile insists the police are at our beck and call. She used to call them when we were at the train station in the middle of the night & she wouldn't drive down to get us. "Pick up my girls," and they did. Took us all the way home. "Our taxes pay your salaries," was her comment when they were belligerent.

So...Zazoo and I entered the enclosed lawn area, I went over Zazoo again and gave him fresh water & a new liver treat. This poor little boy. How traumatizing this must have been for him.

Then I had to take care of the bunny situation. I didn't want the birds attacking them. I shoveled a bucket of earth and went to cover up the poor little bunnies. I cried again as tears rolled off my face and snot ran out of my nose as I covered them. How senseless. There were 11 babies.

I'm buying goats to take care of the lawn. The payoff: goat cheese & yogurt! And friends for Zazoo.




Ne lanet bir gün ... Ben kimseye isteyen olmaz.

Ben 5 20 dolarlarına kaybediyor iyi düşünmek eğer bularak sonra, kapalı iyi başladı. Ben Zazoo & ben sabahtan çim kesme bahçıvanlar görmek için yürüyüş döndüğünde iyiydi düşünebilirsiniz. Ben onları işe yoktu; onları ben o geçerken yüksek çim bakarak sevmedim bahis coz gönderilen plaj ve perde ile 7.5 milyon dolarlık evde yaşıyor komşu.

Sonra BLKHAWK Lucy R. etrafında sürdü, Tanrı errands yaptı ve öğle yemeği vardı, onu seviyorum.

Zazoo için akşam yemeği ardından tekrar yürüdü. Ben mülkiyet çıktıktan olarak, çim üzerinde bazı kahverengi lekeler gördüm. Ben toplanmıştı ve kurutulmuş kesilmiş çim parçaları birikmiş hangi düşündüm araştırmak için gittim. biz çok yakın var gibi, Zazoo lunged ve ben bebek bunnies fark ettim. Sevgili Tanrım. Lanet bahçıvanlar ve bir tavşan ev yanına koştu bazı yarısında dilimlenmiş ve diğerleri sadece çim yatıyordu. Onların şok ölmüş olmalıyım düşünüyorum.

Küçük, 2 gün eski olması gerekir minik bebekler. Kötü şeylerin bir çekim yoktu. Başımızdan yürürken ben kahverengi başka bir yama gördüm. Şimdi dumanlı oldu. Biz ve kasabalar aynı şey: mowed çim dağınık ölü bebek bunnies. Büyük anlaşma bir manikürlü çim vardı ... ama bu fiyata?

Tamam, bu yüzden bir araya çekti ve yürüdü. Gözyaşlarıyla savaşamadı ve ben bu görkemli zengin pislik yanında onun bahçıvanlar göndermek için kendini beğenmiş kahrolası nasıl düşünce, bu sabah telefonda alamadım & dönmedi peyzaj şirketinin sahibi benim diyoruz. Kim bu adam o olduğunu sanıyor? onun çok motosiklet, hangi ben biniyorum hiçbiri, hi-end lüks lüks otomobilleri, şoför, hizmetçi vb Biraz o ben onun zimmetine geçirdiği için federal bir kalem zaman biliyorum ki biliyor kaz vidaları ile blok üzerinde büyük bir anlaşma. Bu yüzden o ben gerçeği biliyorum coz önümde istiyor ne şekilde olursa olsun hareket edebilir. (2 güvenilir kaynaklar)

Biz o ve onun büyük SUV çıktığı gibi büyük bir kirli beyaz, kısa kesilmiş kaniş ardından garaj çıktıktan hizmetçi tarafından karşılandı Bir hanım gördüm Pirate Cove & aşağı yürüdü. Bu şeyi bize havladı. Biz ve yürümeye devam etti bu kahrolası köpek bize & Zazoo bir ısırık almaya çalıştı de koşarak geldi. Ben onun adil bir mücadele olabilir böylece tasma gidelim. o ne yapacağını bilmiyordu bu yüzden Zavallı çocuk bir kavga olmadı, o sadece onu ısırmak için bu diğer fucker götürdü ve ona ya da sadece kürk var eğer ben bilmiyordum.

Arkamda koşmaya başladı onlara ve geniş arkasında koşmaya başladı ve dedi ki, "Ben araba alırsınız" ve geri koştu. Ben terlik başladı ve onları gözden kaybettim onları & I arkasında koştu. Onlar ana meşgul yol yaklaşıyorlardı. Ben bir panik içindeydi. Ben koşuyorum & bağırıyor ve ağlıyordu & söyledim onun gibi "buraya al, Zazoo saldırısına uğramış!" Hızlı arama ile Lucile denir O zaman bu iğrenç, boktan kaniş bana doğru koşuyor, ama hiçbir Zazoo bakın. Ben onun bir pislik olarak geri bile ne olduğunu görmek için yolun gitmediği onun önünü annesi gitmek için söyledim.

Ben viraj dönerken ben yolda durdu 3 veya 4 araba gördüm. Yeterince uzun bana bir sonuca için sonra Zazoo bir Range Rover SUV ve bir kadın ve onunla konuşmaya ayın çatı dışarı sarkan küçük bir çocuk yanındaki ayakta gördüm. ALLAH ederiz! Ben, trafik durma için ona teşekkür ismini ve bana doğru geldi çağırdı. Tanrı bu zavallı çocuğun korusun. Onun ve yaralı olup olmadığını bir şey alışılmadık duymadığını görmek için hızlı bir şekilde ona gitti. Ikimiz de sakinleşti ve ben telefonu geri Lucile var gibi ve ona eve doğru yürüdük tekrar bana ve ok ile oldu.

"Polis çağırın" ona yorum oldu ama onları yer almak istemiyordu. Bana bir rapor yazmak benim için hiç bir ruh hali vardı, falan filan olurdu. Lucile polis bizim beck ve çağır olduğunda ısrar ediyor. biz gece ve ortasında tren istasyonunda edildiğinde O bizi almak için aşağı çekmek olmaz onları aramak için kullanılır. "Benim kız Pick up" ve yaptılar. her eve bizi çıkardım. onlar kavgacı edildiğinde "Bizim vergi sizin maaş ödemek," onu yorumdu.

So ... Zazoo ve ben kapalı çim alanı girdi, tekrar Zazoo üzerine çıktım ve onu temiz su ve yeni bir karaciğer tedavisinde verdi. Bu zavallı küçük çocuk. Bu onun için olmalı travmatik nasıl.

Sonra ben tavşan durum bakmak zorunda kaldı. Ben onlara saldıran kuşlar istemiyordu. Ben yeryüzünde bir kova kürekledim ve zavallı küçük bunnies örtbas etmeye gitti. gözyaşları yüzüme kapalı haddelenmiş ve ben onları örttüğü gibi sümük burnumu dışarı koştu yine ağladım. Nasıl anlamsız. 11 bebek dünyaya geldi.

Ben çim manikür için keçi satın alıyorum. Ödeme: keçi peyniri ve yoğurt! Ve Zazoo için arkadaşlar.